Wow，距離上次隨便貼了的文章，已經過了四年，距離最早一篇的文章，應該也有十年了。原來還很年輕的，現在卻再也回不去了。
大學真的是一段莫名低潮，卻又莫名向上的時光。內心的理想滿溢到頭頂上，曾經認為自己有辦法把一切的一切串連起來，能夠洞悉魔術師玩的戲法手段。那新手所特有的迷之自信，讓我即使在課業、生活皆不盡人意時，仍然有力氣前進。但即便我心頭頂著那驕傲的自尊，卻愈來愈用隨波逐流的表象裝扮自己，欺騙自己。我知道這就是懦弱。我害怕衝突，害怕比拼，害怕曾經小心珍惜的東西變得一文不值。你知道，即使是最最抽象的價值，還是依附在某種context，一個人、一句話，就能瞬間抽離，忽然來到人們口中說的「現實」，價值翻轉，原本重要的變得不重要了，然後怪自己怎麼一直忽略這忽略那，是不是一直在逃避。
我不知道自己是不是個會做決定的人。我不知道怎麼去評價自己。對我來說，即使是最簡單的詞彙，也具有多重意義，而且那多重意義是同時顯現的，沒有絕對的方法可以排除多重性。語境也具有多重性。再如何純粹的對話，都可能包含著數個語境。身而為人，你只能接受這點，在多重的語境、意義、價值間不停的切換，一旦注意到了一個可能，一個符合語境且能產生價值的意義，便很難去忽略它。人注定要活在這種多重性、相對性裡面。我發現我時常誤讀、誤聽，也許腦袋少了個篩子，比一般的人更容易調到多重性的縫隙裡。醒著的時候總是做著夢，睡著時活著一個又一個不同的人生，唯有面對不那麼親密的人時，才能稍微調整好天線，接收到來自他人的、「正確」的訊號。
到底怎麼樣才可以前進？回頭看這十年，每一次的前進，或是轉進(歷史課本用來描述敗逃的詞)，多少都是把握到了「現實」，也就是人們耳提面命，而我往往要到最後一刻才猛然醒悟的東西。畢業，前途，未來，該待在這裡還是在那裡，怎麼才能把我的double life藏得妥妥的，避開衝突，避開質疑，避開危險，過著舒服無聊的人生。為了避免戰爭，我自己先跪著。面對人生，大概就是這種感覺吧。
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會發這些牢騷，一部分是因為好久沒寫點東西發洩了，不負面點、彆扭一點，實在不痛快。另一個間接的原因是想起了十年前在大學裡接觸到的一個人。前幾天聚餐，因為一個大學奇人異事的話題，讓我想起了這個人。雖然我未曾和他有任何稱得上是對話的時刻，他卻以一種方式深深影響了我接下來走的路。這樣一個重要的人，我卻用那樣偏差的方式向友人介紹他，實在罪過。
Monday, December 23, 2019
Sunday, December 20, 2015
Test in LaTeX
This is a sample post for testing the $\LaTeX$ support of this blog. Let's write down the Hodge decomposition:
If $\phi \in \Omega^*(M)$, then
$$\phi = \mathcal{H}\phi + \Delta G\phi. $$
If $\phi \in \Omega^*(M)$, then
$$\phi = \mathcal{H}\phi + \Delta G\phi. $$
Wednesday, June 15, 2011
Maximum Segment Sum
This is something I always forget. During the summer, I should be learning and practicing how to deduce this linear-time algorithm in a formal way.
The programming languages course has ended today. I've learned something, but didn't practice enough. Those tools for reasoning imperative programs look well in some trivial examples, but I wonder how they can be useful in some larger ones. What I want to know the most is whether these methods can help me figure out an efficient algorithm for certain program. Anyway, I feel more comfortable in programming languages class than algorithms class. The former class is of course a lot easier, but the stuff in it really helps me to understand something, not just memorizing some details in an hard-to-reason-with imperative algorithm.
Computer programming, to me, is not a tool for shipping some valuable things to customers. Developing software is not what I'd be doing well. Programming is rather a thinking aid to me. The better the language interact with your thoughts, the better picture you can get. Monads, for example, exist (in programming) not for some abstract beauty, but really for capturing and shaping some realistic things and processes. After taking so many engineering classes, no single one other than programming languages class really shed some light on the context of discovery. All we see are just results. They are great, significant and beautiful. So what? How can we discover or create something like them, not something that is lame and trivial?
Maybe it's too hard to answer. Too philosophical. Also, asking questions like these just made myself look like a lazy and careless student. Well, I surely won't stop questioning, but I'll make a promise. I promise that I will try harder, harder and harder.
Tuesday, May 31, 2011
Saturday, May 28, 2011
Tuesday, April 26, 2011
Strict function
Operationally, a strict function is one which always evaluates its argument, a non-strict function is one which may not evaluate some of its arguments. Functions having more than one parameter may be strict or non-strict in each parameter independently, as well as jointly strict in several parameters simultaneously.
http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Strict_function
"f x = f 42" seems to be strict!
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